After El Castillo we kept going along the Rio San Juan and arrived in San Juan Norte. This part of the country is different than the west side in many respects, but especially in politics. Here, no one is really "Sandinista" and people generally feel pretty isolated from the haps in Managua. We spent 2 nights in San Juan Norte, which reminded me of a post-Katrina New Orleans in the Lower 9th: water, no cars, ruins and few people.

The morning we left San Juan Norte began a nightmare. I don't want to alarm anyone, but what I'm about to explain is not exaggerated. My whole group and 2 other foreigners got on a small motorboat headed toward Bluefields. We were told it would be a 3 hour ride, I think we assumed it would hug the coastline, and it was "Caribbean" waters, so not very strong. There was a local boat driver and another local guy with us as an assistant.

To begin we had to split into 2 boats to cross the breakers. As soon as I figured out what we were doing and where we seemed to be going, I got more tense. The waves were big and we crashed through them very roughly. The boat slammed down after the waves and we realized we had to hold on. In my boat, 3 students in front of me fell off their bench. Before anyone could resituate themselves another wave was coming. One of my students was not able to sit down again, when the wave hit he flew about 3 feet in the air and slammed down on the boat floor like a fish. We got him up and checked him out. His mouth was bleeding and he was shocked. My co-instructor (we luckily had a "guest" instructor for a week to replace my other co-instructor who had to leave, our new guy Frank - a vetran Dragons instructor - came down from NYC to help us out) took control of the situation with the student as the other boat got close for us to consolidate boats. We sat in the rocky sea for a few minutes and realized the student was ok, no broken teeth or other major injury, then climbed into the other boat. The sky was grey, it was raining. The whole situation felt dark and stormy but we were told it would get calmer and that going back, crossing the breakers again, would be too dangerous.

With the injured student laying in the back in front of the steering wheel where the boat driver stood, the rest of us hugged the boat floor. It was an agonizing and horrifying 5 hours on that boat. For nearly 3 hours we could not see land. The sea was extremely choppy, later it was said with swells around 25 ft. It rained and we were soaked by the waves. We all had life jackets on, by the way. Some students were seasick, including me and Frank. I held my barf bag between my fingers for hours, I re-busted my tailbone, got bruises on my legs and arms from the roughness. We got knocked around pretty good.

Finally, after what seemed like eternity, another student said he saw land. I was relieved because I thought maybe we were lost. I have no sea experience. It seemed like magic we had any orienation. But there were still more hours to go.

I didn't know at the time, but the boat driver was PRAYING during the trip. He apparently, unsuccessfully, tried to flag down a Coast Guard boat. I didn't know this because I was too busy barfing and closing my eyes, but later I heard this. Later the boat driver said he had never had a ride that rough, ever.

It may sound like we carelessly walked into extreme danger. Let me explain. We had heard the weather had been bad the last couple weeks. The part of Nicaragua we were in, around the San Juan River, is apparently some of the most rainy territory in the world. It normally rains every day. As we organized our boat ride, we were told the boat goes many times a week along the same route. No one warned of bad weather or not going. The boat driver himself had apparently just come from Bluefields days before. All this was compared to our previous boatrides, granted on a river, and we thought the ride followed a mellow coastline. To top it off, this portion of our course is called Expedition, where we pass much of the logistical responsibility to the students. Errors were made, yes, I wrestle with this, but even with Frank and his Nica knowledge, there seemed to be no red flags.

Once we made it, I cried. I can't explain what it felt like to survive. In my mind I thought: survive, but many students were actually not so sick or freaked out - sure it was hairy they said, but not so traumatic. I admit, I was the most traumatized of our group, but the story I have written here is no exaggeration! But that night, it took the whole group some time to calm down, to relax. That night I woke up many times nautious from the movement of the rough sea in my head. I still have not fully calmed down.

As we pushed on with planning the rest of our trip, which ends in 6 days, the group was set on getting out to Little Corn Island, which included another "panga" ride (or motorboat like the ones we rode on the river and in the ocean). I instantly said, NO WAY. No way. Some students were resistant, wanted to "maximize" their experience by getting to Little Corn. Finally, the whole group "compromised" for me (the freaked out one) and we decided we would fly to Big Corn and just stay there for a few days. Then Frank called and said he had met someone who had come from Little Corn that day. This person said the ride was "harrowing" and super choppy and as a result all boats are banned from crossing between the islands. I was relieved that it wasn't me just being crazy or a fun-killer. I had a gut-feeling to go along with my deep fear.

So today I summoned up my best mental state to get on a 40 passenger La Costena airplane from Bluefields to Big Corn Island. The weather has been in our favor - I can see palm trees blowing in the Caribbean wind and turquiose waters from where I sit now. I just ate the best French toast of my life.

With the boat experience, fighting for no more boats with my group, the small plane (and another one in a couple of days) - I have been facing fears and getting really stressed out. It feels terrible. And coupled with my other co-instructor's manic episode a couple weeks back - dealing with police and hospitals and the images of him in his madness, I am really done with this course. Although my students are nice, the travel has been interesting, but it feels like this has been the hardest and worst course I have ever run.

But for the meantime, I am very lucky to be in such a beautiful place, with some room to breathe. I am getting good food now, rest, sunshine. Don't worry too much.